Burnout, Grief, and Authentic Me
I’m a corporate girl, but I’m off sick with stress—burnout and grief. I feel immensely guilty for not being at work. For sitting here and typing about my feelings instead of being in meetings and saying corporate things.
This is week two. It’s similar to week one, except now I’m realising I don’t really know who I am, what my sense of self is, or why I feel so guilty for being off work. And because I am who I am, after discovering I’m a people pleaser—and acknowledging that it’s not actually a good thing—I’ve started listening to Finding the Joy in Saying No by Natalie Lue.
This book is tearing my personality apart. It’s asking me to discover why I say yes, but for me, saying yes has been my personality. I’ve almost never considered saying no. I'm realising I have no idea who I am, what I truly love, or why I agree to so much.
While I sit with this, my mind is foggy.
How do we discover our authentic selves?
Is there a guide?
Enter ChatGPT—apparently there is a framework. But there are nine questions to ask, and in my fragile mental state, that feels like seven questions too many.
“Discovering your authentic self is less about inventing something new and more about uncovering what’s already there—beneath layers of expectation, fear, habit, and conditioning. It's a process that takes time, reflection, and courage.”
I mean, it just feels too big. Too mind-blowing. And really, is it even the best place to start? Shouldn’t I be focusing on my grief first? But that feels too raw, too tender to touch—it unleashes a complex bundle of emotions, from love to resentment. If I want to function day-to-day, I feel like I have to leave the grief well alone for now.
So if not grief, then why not start with discovering my authentic self?
This is how my mind works:
My burnout was caused by using work as escapism. My personal life was falling apart—promotions happening in the backdrop of divorce. When work started feeling like it was falling apart too (that promotion being HARD), suddenly I had no place to escape to.
Work was the space where I controlled outcomes, achieved goals, and got gold stars. And despite it being hard, I kept raising my hand to take on more. I got frustrated when I didn’t get it right the first time. I tried desperately to prove myself. I wanted work to align with my values—but seriously, what are my values right now?
So I kept saying yes. Yes, I love this job. Yes, it aligns with my core values. But why? I didn’t know. I started feeling ground down and disillusioned. And then I popped.
Except I didn’t pop. It was slower than that.
I lost myself gradually over the past few months, like a balloon deflating. I stopped feeling joy. I started feeling anxiety. I let go of the things I loved and was consumed by work instead.
Once I realised my thoughts were getting dark, that I’d lost the ability to think logically, and that no one—me, work, my new partner, my family, or my friends—was benefitting from this, I pulled the plug. I said to the universe: I need a rest.
And now you get me.
You get this insight into my tired, foggy, frustrated mind.
In my search for clarity, to ease the fogginess and understand myself, we are back at the same question: why do I want to discover my authentic self?
I want to discover my authentic self to find peace. To clear my mind. To gain the certainty of knowing who I am.
We all come across people who are just so sure of themselves. I want to give off that energy.
In trying to find that energy, I guess I have to remember that life is about the journey—not the destination. It’s about making the most of what we have: coffee in the morning, laughing with friends, feeling connected to nature. My authentic self isn’t a fixed version waiting to be found—it’s something I rebuild through small joys. Right now, I feel disconnected from her, but I can start to find her again in the little moments that matter.
Have you ever felt disconnected from your true self? How did you reconnect? Share your story in the comments below.
