Permission to Rest

It’s been another tough day. I feel like it should have been easier — the judge approved the financial agreement — but now I have to wait for the divorce order. It feels endless. I know there’s an end date, and I’m nearly there, but it’s like living under a dark cloud. I keep waiting for the skies to break. Right now, it’s just endless grey, but I know the weather always changes.

Under these clouds, life admin has completely wiped me out. These are the “easy” tasks, the ones that are supposed to take just 10 minutes. But the emotional weight they carry is heavy. Weeks of procrastination make me feel ashamed for not tackling them sooner. I’ve managed to tick off a couple, and I should take that as a win — even if it doesn’t feel like one.

Then there’s the housework. The grubby house feels like another overwhelming task. Something as simple as hoovering — light movement that actually helps me — feels too hard. Instead, I turn into a potato on the sofa, scrolling TikTok just to survive the day.

Is this the rest I need? The sofa time? Should I feel guilty for resting like this? Is it helping, or am I just being weak and lazy for not being productive?

I know the answer. It’s the advice I’d give to any of my friends: rest is necessary. No one should feel guilty for needing rest — it’s the only way we come back to ourselves. There will be a time to be productive, but that time isn’t now.

I’m still injured, and that continues to take its toll. Still, the story I tell myself is that I’m lazy. But maybe what I really need to do is become my own best friend — and take the advice I’d give to her.