Taking the Piss
I’ve noticed progress in myself and my behaviours. It isn’t groundbreaking or even that tangible, but it’s a sign that I’m beginning to respect and prioritise myself. I’ve started going for a wee when I need to. Or having a drink when I’m thirsty.
Before, I would notice that I needed the toilet but then rattle off three to five tasks I had to do first. The thought process would go something like: “I need a wee, but before I go I should hang the washing out... but I need to bring the dry washing in first… and the dog needs to be fed… oh, and the flea treatment.” I wouldn’t go until all of those were done.
In those moments, I was showing my body poor respect. I was prioritising all these ‘rubber ball’ jobs over something as basic as listening to my body. And by disrespecting myself and not holding that boundary, I was basically giving others permission to walk all over me.
It wasn’t just housework. If I was working intensely and noticed I needed to go, there was no way I’d walk away from my computer before finishing the task. I wouldn’t allow myself the relief of a wee, the pause from work, the comfort of tending to my body’s needs.
And—bang—it just hit me: I was about to type “I’m lucky this disregard for myself didn’t make me physically sick,” but it did. I’ve suffered from regular UTIs for a while now. That’s me, making myself physically ill by refusing to acknowledge and respond to the needs of my body.
And really, by doing that, I was allowing other people to abuse my (non-existent) boundaries and to disrespect me. I’ve let energy vampires consume all my energy in moments where I should have spent that energy on myself.
And I’m doing it right now, writing this at 1 a.m. because my mind is racing—not with thoughts that serve me, but with ruminations on the energy suckers. I could be caring for my needs. I could be doing a meditation and going to sleep.
Meditation has actually played a big part in helping me recognise this. I’m doing a Foundations course through Balance, and I’m on the Awareness meditations. They focus on paying attention to your body—what you feel, where the aches are, how your posture is. That’s been helping me build awareness of physical sensations, something I started working on six months ago as part of tuning into my intuition.
Back then, I was concentrating on the big stuff—stomach flips, heart rate changes, those deeper cues. But really, where I needed to start was with the basics.
Like taking a piss.
